Jan
He has just been told that the doctors think it is time to stop his chemo treatments - I'm guessing the end is near, but so far he is refusing help from outside sources (Hospice, etc.), so I don't know what to expect right now. He is losing weight at a rapid pace and has no appetite whatsoever most days. He is also in quite a bit of pain most of the time and I'd like to at least make him comfortable if his time with us is nearing the end. Any additional info provided would be greatly appreciated.
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It is natural for him to lose his appetite. Just give him what he is willing to eat or drink. Does he have hospice care? They would be very helpful and are the experts at pain control. They also provide quite a bit of other support.
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You need to make him eat high energy foods, to keep his weight up. Try putting milk powder in milk drinks to 'fatten them out', and give him more proteins and fats. You can sneak oil into many things. Experiment with the foods you know he likes.
Best wishes.
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Sorry to hear about his illness. He needs to follow the Dr's recommendations for staying comfortable. Hospice would be helpful in monitoring his condition and communicating with the Dr. so that he would not have to leave home to see the Dr. Also Hospice is helpful to the family. If there are pain medications involved, the Hospice nurse can monitor those and tell the Dr. if changes need to be made.
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unfortunately, loss of apetite is a step in the natural progression of things. If he is hungry, feed him, if not, then let it go. It may nauseate him and make the pain even worse. Hold his hand, be there emotionally, and just make him as comfortable as you can. Hang in there. It is going to get harder before it gets easier. One thing you need to do. When the time comes, tell him it is ok for him to go. He needs to make peace with all before he goes. Sometimes they will stay until they feel that the ones they love most can handle their leaving. You can do it. It will be tough, but in the end, you will be glad you did.
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Unfortunatly loss of appetite is a side affect of his treatment, as well as his disease. It can also affect him a long while after the treatment has stopped. In my opinion the best thing you can do is just be there for him to talk or just sit with. Try to have some brothy soups on hand, as well as plain bread and applesauce. These are all easy on the stomach and palate, so even not hungry he can easily eat them if he chooses. Its a hard road for both of you - I wish you the best of luck
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In my mother's final days, she didn't want to eat either, and she had made me promise not to let them give her a feeding tube, so I didn't. I brought her milkshakes and fed them to her with the straw, just a little at a time. In her last two days I was concerned about her mouth being so dry, but at that point she wouldn't have been able to swallow. A dear friend, an MD, told me that letting her become dehydrated was a natural way to go, and that it would also make her kind of "dopey" with urrhemia, lessening her suffering as her body shut down. Mom's wasn't cancer, but it was clear the end was near, so although it was sad, she didn't seem to suffer so badly. Your brother may have more pain with the cancer, so hopefully he will agree to some morphine in the i.v.
God love you and him.
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If he doesn't want to eat try getting him to a least drink. Try to see if he will drink Ensure or even Pediasure. They give these to older people and children. So when they don't eat at least they will get some nurishment from these. Do things with him. Play games,watch tv,etc. God be with you and your family. I will be praying for you.
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The reason I am sitting here now is because my husband is in the last stages. I can't leave the house , or shop etc and Yahoo answers id something I can do quietly and still keep a watch and ear all the time.
He is dying from liver and stomach cancer.
He has been off his food for ages and looks like a concentration camp internee.
I am just making him comfortable, I keep in contact with palliative care, who visit three times a week( but will probably increase when they see him tomorrow) and his doctor visits our home twice a week. Maybe your brother doesnt want help but you will need some support, ask if there are any cancer suports available to family.
I really need the help of the palliative care as I want to nurse him peacefully at home. Having seen my dad die in hospital last year I want the experience to be kinder for my darling. I can gently spoon liquid, lie beside him and hug him, let his dog in when he feels like seeing her.
This dying is the hardest job we have to do and ultimately we must do it alone.
As his appetite decreased well just give very tiny snacks that he likes. I would leave them beside him for about half an hour than put something else, a few dices of chees, then a ripe sliced peach, then a 3 crackers with peanut butter you know what I mean very small a large serving turned him poff.
Today all my husband can tolerate is a few spoons of liquid ( its iced coffee) I freeze it and give it to him as ice chips. Also I encourage him to have ice blocks.
The job my love has to do is hard enough and I think it would be selfish of me to try to press food on him, it would increase his distress.
HIs pain is well managed with morphine. All I want is for him to be comfortable and to always feel the envelopment of my love around him. He is free to go when he is ready.
He seems to be asleep most of the time now but when I rub him and say "love you" his tiny voice responds with " love you too."
I do have a choice he has a place available at the local hospice if I can no longer cope, but I feel that would upset him and accelerate his exit. I would like him to go looking toward the next world not fearing a different hospice environment.
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Loss of appetite is one of the signs that the end is near (probably within weeks). Do NOT force him to eat, you make only make him feel worse, but do continue to offer him his favorite foods, especially things that are bland or easy to digest.
I can not encourage you enough to try to convince him to reconsider Hospice. They will make things so much easier. However, it is his choice, so here is their link so you can read up on the dying process and be a little more prepared for what's coming:
http://www.hospicenet.org/index.html
God bless you.