Mar
My boyfriend's mom has hospice care. A nurse and social worker come to their apartment once a week to check on her. She had lung cancer and from that she got a brain lesion. She began getting hospice in October when they discovered she had about 5 tumors on her brain. Yesterday, the social worker told my bf to start preparing for the funeral and gave him some information. His mom hasn't been getting a lot worse. She's just been more tired, but we were under the impression it was her new bloodpressure medication. He was wondering if the nurse knew something she wasn't telling him and that the social worker knew. I'm worried about my bf and I want to help him prepare if her time is coming soon. Does anyone have experience with this? Are her instructions an indicator something is going to happen soon or is it routine to start preparing for a funeral before you know when a person is going to go? Please only answer if you have experience.
Answer:
Hi, I'm a CNA and deal with geriatrics. Hospice services is dedicated to promoting and maintaining quality care for terminally ill patients and their families. One of the duties of the social worker is to help prepare the family for the coming death and help in making arrangements. Cancer is nasty stuff, and it sounds like her time may be approaching soon, that doesn't mean it will happen tomorrow, but God only has that answer.
Be strong…that’s what your boyfriend will need. Be patient and understanding. This is going to be hard on him. Be prepared for all types of emotions from him. Grieving is difficult and he’ll go through many stages over a long period of time. Do some internet searches for the five stages of grief. It will help you understand what he is feeling.
Answer:
When you take care of someone on hospice it is stressfull me and my husband took care of my father and his grandfather on hospice. And of course you don't want to think the worse but hospice care workers see this everyday and they know the signs of death you just need to ask them. But it is also their job to help you get ready for the death even if they think it might be a while before they pass. You never know when god will take them so it is really your decision to wait till they pass or do it while they’re still here. We waited till they passed. Do what makes you comfortable. This is a very hard time in your bfs life. Just be understanding and patient. God Bless you and his family. We will keep you in our prays
Answer:
I was a nurse a long time and I’ve to tell you most Hospice nurses know what they are speaking about. Ultimately it it is in God's hand. Nurses go by the patients vital signs like blood pressure, pulse and respirations Also, they have been around death long enough to look for certain signs or changes in their patient. I would also think They would like your bf to start preparing for the funeral because when death occurs its still a shock and he may not be able to think appropriately at that time. I offer my prayers for you, your bf, and his mom.
Answer:
Well I don't have to tell you how hard this is going to be on him and his family. I do have personal experience on this.
In 1999 my mother was diagnosed with Small Cell Carcinoma. shortly after this she also had a brain tumor. she also had liver lesions as well. I am also a hospice aid. So I do have a lot of experience with this.
I will give you my personal email add if you want it…but for now I’ll just say that more than likely it is not the blood pressure meds that’s making her more sleepy. It is more likely to be the disease proses. I do not want you to give up hope by any means however you need to take this time to state the things that you need to say. and to help them prepare for what’s about to take place. There are lots of things you can do. there are also many things to look for in this process. I am not sure what hospice you are on but they should have a handout booklet that will explain what happens to the patient the closer they get. this will also help you to understand what to look for and to identify when there are changes.
as for planning a funeral…It is something you’ve to prepare for…but right now I think you should do what ever your heart is telling you to do. Maybe his mother has something special she would like to have done during the funeral. If you feel comfortable speaking about this then go ahead and ask. Or maybe just ask her she is probably thinking about it anyway. Remember you need to do what you can feel comforable with.
I will be thinking of you and your bf.
Answer:
I’m sorry for your boyfriend and for you.
My mother-in-law went on Hospice home care in Jan. 2007. She moved into a Hospice center on August 1 of 2007 and we were called to go down there (we live in a different states) because she had less than a week left. She passed on Aug. 7. While no one can tell you a specific time death will occur, these Hospice nurses are very highly trained and very experienced. They see signs of the body shutting down that we regular people just don’t see. When we arrived at my in-laws that Aug. 2, my husband had to make all the funeral arrangements (yes she was still alive for that week), but his father had been unable to believe his wife was truly dying. Of course, your boyfriend can’t make total arrangements, but he should look into the different funeral homes and select one he’s comfortable with, he should gather a list of potential pall-bearers (between 6 and 8), choose a casket and have someone put together an outfit for his mother to be buried in. He should also look into asking family or friends about helping with a meal after the service - most funeral attendees like to gather afterward to share memories. Also, he should think about if he would like to allow people to send flowers when she does pass on, or if he would like to print a request that donations be made somewhere, perhaps Hospice, instead.
This is a difficult time. Just be there for him and let him feel whatever he needs to feel.
(some other things to consider: are his moms feet and ankles always cold? is she unable to eat or drink on her own? can she control her bathroom habits?)
Best wishes to all of you.