Jan
My father died from cancer just four months ago. It feels like a hole has been ripped from my life. I cry each day still. The pain doesn't seem less, but worse with time, like he's further away the more the time passes. I don't understand why he’d to suffer and die. I can't get over it. Advice? Thanks.
Answer:
You never get over it, but eventually you get used to it. You’ll be happy again.
What you feel is perfectly normal; the loss of a parent is devastating. And four months is no time at all, grieving takes time. The first year, with its anniversaries, is especially hard; but it will begin to get easier.
My mom died of cancer nearly 30 years ago, and my father died 10 years ago; I still cry, but I smile far more often than I cry when I think of them, and I think of them often. This happens gradually over time, and I promise you it will happen for you.
I cried when my parents' first great grandchild was born; my mom in particular would have been so happy, and she didn't even get to see her grandchildren, let alone her great grandchildren. But I was delighted too, and smiled when I saw the resemblance to my mother in my little great nephew's face.
Ideal wishes to you. You might benefit from talking to somebody out side the family about this; if you feel you would, speak to your physician about being referred to a grief counsellor.
Answer:
4 months isn't very long at all, it will get easier to deal with as more time has passed but it will injured for years, forever really. I still get teary when I consider certain things I did with my parents. My mother passed in 94. She had a heart problem her whole life and it took her from us to soon.
My main advice is don't try to figure out the why of it. There usually isn't an answer so there's no point in beating your head against a brick wall. Most illnesses are based in genetics which was set into play a very long time ago. They aren't punishment for things we should or shouldn't have done. Sometimes sh!t just happens to good people. It sucks but that's life and we just have to deal with it.
Focus on the positive aspects of all the time you got to spend with him, Remember the good time and try not to think about the pain and death. Even the good times will make you cry but it will get easier. If you stay focused on the negative I'm afraid it will eat you up inside and it won't get easier, it will just keep eating you up bit by bit.
Answer:
Time.